Men should be working hard with a clear vision. The masculine way is to push long hours when needed and move mountains with focus, passion and dedication. However, no matter the importance of the output, we should always have the wisdom to know when to rest, nurture ourselves and give our energy to all aspects of life like spending time with family and loved ones!

Conserving out energy is key, because if we crash we are not too much help for anyone!

Work can become an obsession and cloud our judgments to a degree that we don’t notice how the hours pile up, rest and sleep is neglected, and we ignore the warning signs of exhaustion because we have more important things to do. Burnout is creeping on us slowly, until the day we push ourselves one step too far, the floor disappears under our feet and we have nothing left to give. 

We in The first rule of men supports men in the danger zone of burnout. We provide a solid framework for solving the immediate needs of the person as well as a long term plan for recovery. It is of crucial importance that you seek help before you hit the brick wall. In the case of a total collapse you will need medical help we are unable to provide at this point. In this article we will explore some of the most important contributing factors and some warning signs so you know when to sound the alarm and get adequate help out of the hamster wheel. 

Burnout is like a slow-rolling disaster. If you don’t recognize the signs and slow down, it will take everything from you.

My burnout, a year of an insane workload

When I burned myself out back in 2016 I was devastated. One day, I couldn’t get out of bed. I cried for days, unable to find meaning in anything. I was in Bali at the time to celebrate my successes when I realized I was probably burned out many months before, but continued on flat tires because I did not know who I would be without my work.I flew home, went on sick leave. I do not remember much from this period other than there was no help to get and no one seemed to understand. The process of recovery did not take months, it took close to four years.

A year before my collapse, I divorced my first wife. Instead of slowing down to handle the loss of the partnership I chose to turn to the area where I felt the best energy and most at home: Work. 

With more time alone I could focus all my passion on new projects and partnerships. I also started some of my own projects I wanted to do and my work load went from the normal high levels to the insane. By the end of a highly productive year, I thought I was on top of the world. 

Ignoring the warning signs

During my years of recovery I have a lot of time to go through what actually happened. How is it possible that I managed to completely miss the warning signs and just drive myself into the ground? My conclusion is that there are three main contributing factors that managed to work in conjunction to cloud my judgement and make me lose my way. These factors might not be true for everyone who found a sudden hard stop in their career due to exhaustion, 

People pleasing

Behind my ambition is a deep rooted drive to make people like me. Personally, I think I try to get people’s attention by overdelivering and holding my promises and I feel really bad when I manage to disappoint people who trusted me with some important task. My experiences taught me the hard way that taking on responsibilities like a spunge is not how you deliver effectively and it is not how you have effective collaboration with others. If you suck up all the tasks, then other people will get nothing interesting to do and no one will thank you for that. As you drop one responsibility after another the shame and guilt will not help you get a sound work balance. 

Over ambition

Ambition is my strong suit in life. All problems I solve by going at the problem with focus and passion. At a certain point however, your ambition might take the best of you. When you reach a point where you start neglecting your personal needs jut to get a couple of hours in to your already busy schedule, you are on a slippery slope. 

As I burned my candle on both ends like this I managed to do more for a while, but as more and more withdrawals of life energy was taken out to increase the output, my effectiveness plummeted, and it did not take long until I was so empty so that I only sat staring at the screen even when I pushed myself hard to carry on. The inability to move increases the stress in a vicious circle forcing me to continue forward despite the diminishing returns. 

Speeding through yellow lights 

A yellow light in traffic is a signal that it is time to slow down, however stressed drivers see this as a call for stepping the pedal to the metal and try to pass through. Life is full of similar situations. A yellow light in work might be some unexpected friction, a disagreement with a colleague or factors out of your control that suddenly put your work in a new direction. It might also be private issues like conflicts at home or something more severe,  like you moving houses, someone close passing away, your partner is suggesting a divorce or other personal matter.

A normal person would see any stressful life event like this and slow down, take a breather and adjust their ambitions to give time and space to handle the stress primarily and focus on the mission with the energy they have left. The person who is sliding towards collapse however will not see it like this. They continue on with added energy despite the added stress and try to work like nothing happened. 

Giving themselves even slimmer chances to go out of the situation standing up. 

Burnout creeps in slowly, then everything stops

My burnout started with me speeding through the yellow light of my divorce, increasing the work load to an insane amount in combination with grabbing on to commitments without a possibility to set sound boundaries around myself and neglecting my own needs of rest and recovery.

I did not see it coming because as for so many other people the burnout didn’t hit all at once. It sneaked up on me, gradually normalizing the stress and exhaustion until one day, everything just fell to the ground in pieces.

Signs you’re near burnout

The warning signs that you are at risk of burnout might be different for each person, but from my own journey and conversations with other people with similar experiences I think these signs are something to take very seriously:

• Rest feels painful: You’re constantly tired, but rest only makes you more stressed.
• Pain in your body: As your tension goes your body may experience pain and moving might be challenging. 
• Emotional numbness: You feel disconnected from work, family, and things you once loved.
• Irritability and anger: Small frustrations set you off, and conflicts become heated.
• Cognitive decline: Your mind feels foggy, and it’s hard to focus or think clearly.
• Memory issues: You forget commitments, lose track of conversations, and can’t recall what you were just doing.
• Avoidance behaviors: You turn to drinking, doom-scrolling, or zoning out to escape responsibilities.
• Sleep problems: Falling asleep is hard, and you stay up late with distractions, only to wake up exhausted.

No adequate help to get and no one understands!

Today we in the First rule of men welcome men with near burnout issues to give the help I did not get when I needed it the most. The sad reality is that the available support systems for people stuffing from burnout are very limited and in some places totally inadequate. The health care system around the world 

is in itself some of the biggest producers of burnout victims so there seems to be a limited possibility to get help through your normal health care provider.

Oftentimes overworked people that collapsed are often treated as a psychological patient, which might not be totally encouraging for someone who is a high achiever as myself with no prior history of mental illness. And even if it is a positive thing to have counselling, there might be a long line of people who crave the limited resources of the health care system. When I burned out, it took eight weeks before I could even get to talk to someone. During that time, I still had to manage my business, even though I don’t remember much from those first months.

You are not crazy and your life is not over. 

As everything gets dark and your ability to a muscle is You just did not see your limitations and drove yourself until you got stuck. No need for guilt or shame. It happens to a surprising number of people every year. You need you in great shape, rested with a sound plan and an ambition level matching your capacity.

And off course, it is worth repeating, The most important thing is to seek help before you hit the wall.

A practical approach

When we take on someone who are near burn out, the focus is on the immediate practical situation. We need to manage processes that are ongoing as well as giving emotional support. Since logical thinking and problem solution is a very limited resource in a person on the verge of collapse breaking down the situation in manageable pieces is a priority task for us. 

💤 Delegate to Prioritize Rest
We help men offload unnecessary work and personal tasks to focus on recovery. Rest isn’t optional—it’s essential.

🚦 Have the Hard Conversations
Burnout often comes from taking on too much. We support men in renegotiating responsibilities with employers, clients, and partners. Protecting your energy is key to recovery.

💪 Focus on Health
Burnout often causes physical stagnation and chronic stress. We guide men to start small—move more, eat better, and stay hydrated to rebuild resilience.

💡 Reconnect with Purpose
Once you regain stability, we help you reflect on your values and goals to realign your energy. Rediscovering your purpose will reignite your motivation and bring clarity to your life and career.

The bottom line

Burnout is serious, but it doesn’t have to define you. Recognizing the warning signs and taking proactive steps can prevent disaster and help you reclaim your strength, clarity, and purpose.

If you’re feeling close to the edge, The First Rule of Men is here to help. Contact us for a consultation and let us guide you back to strength, confidence, and a fulfilling life.

Please send this article to someone who might need to listen to the warning signs, or someone who need help. It is referrals like this who keeps our program running and helping someone to avoid a personal disaster might be the nicest thing you can do to help a fellow man! 

Your future is masculine—and it starts with taking care of yourself!